Sweetheart Soundwave
by 9aza
Summary: Gift fic for Carlough. Sweetheart Roland parody. Poor Thundercracker has a murderous witch for a step-creator, a brat for a step-brother, and a bore for a sweetheart. What's an emo Seeker to do? Why commit suicide by way of fat sheep of course! Slash.


A/N: Happy Birthday Carlough! I know it's a day early, but here's your birthday present. You are a wonderful author and a very nice person to talk to. :3

Note: For the sake of the story, Seekers can't fly and Soundwave isn't a telepath.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Sweetheart Soundwave**

Once upon a time, there lived a witch named Starscream who had two sons named Skywarp and Thundercracker. Skywarp was an idiot and very mischievous while Thundercracker was sensible and very dutiful. Starscream loved the idiot because he was his own creation and hated Thundercracker because he was only his step-creation (plus his broodiness got on Starscream's nerves). Then one day, Skywarp noticed that Thundercracker was wearing a pretty apron while he made breakfast and the black and violet Seeker knew he wanted that apron.

"Momma," whined Skywarp, "why should TC have the pretty apron? I want it and I should have it."

Starscream let out an air intake and was about to tell Skywarp to stop complaining when an idea popped into his processor. The witch smirked and said, "Don't worry Warpy, you'll get the apron. Tonight, I will kill your emo step-brother!"

Even an idiot like Skywarp thought this was harsh. "You're going to kill TC for an apron? Momma, that's crazy, even for you."

Starscream face palmed. "No, Skywarp, the apron is just an excuse to kill him. I've been wanting to kill that little glitch since the day I married his father, Skyfire, Primus bless his spark."

"That's still a pretty lame excuse," commented Skywarp.

The witch gave his son a 'Do not question me' look and then said, "Tonight, I'm going to chop off Thundercracker's helm while he recharges. I need you to recharge on the farthest side of the berth and push him outward."

"We wouldn't have to worry about where he recharges if you weren't too cheap to buy a another berth," muttered Skywarp.

Starscream ignored that comment.

Unbeknown to the plotting Seekers, Thundercracker was in a corner listening to every word being said. _They don't even notice me standing right here…_

After the long work day was done, it was time to recharge and Skywarp quickly climbed into the berth so he could get the spot farthest on the side next to the wall, leaving Thundercracker on the outer side of the bed. Once Skywarp was asleep, however, Thundercracker switched positions with his step-brother.

The blue Seeker pretended to be asleep as he heard Starscream enter the room. The witch held an ax in one servo and felt for the step-brother with the other. Satisfied that he had found his target, Starscream lifted the ax and chopped off Skywarp's helm.

When his step-creator left the room, Thundercracker got out of the berth, climbed out the window, and ran to his sweetheart's, whose name was Soundwave, home. Once there, Thundercracker began pounding on the door.

Soundwave slammed open the door and shouted, "Query: Why the frag are you pounding on my door this late at night? I thought you said you weren't ready for interfacing!"

Thundercracker let out an air intake and said, "No, I'm not here to do that! Soundwave, we have to leave this village tonight."

"Query: You got into a fight with your step-creator and want to elope?"

"Not exactly. Soundwave, Starscream tried to kill me tonight, but I tricked him into killing Skywarp instead. He's going to find out who he really killed in the morning and when that happens he's going to kill us both!"

Soundwave held up his servos and said, "Whoa, wait a minute. Query: What do you mean _we?_ You're the one who tricked the witch into killing your step-brother, not me."

"Yes, that's true," agreed Thundercracker, "but you're my sweetheart and Starscream knows who you are, so he's probably going to kill you to get back at me because he's a glitch like that."

"Slag," cursed Soundwave, "Very well, we will leave together. Suggestion: you should take Starscream's magic wand or else we won't get away when he comes after us."

Thundercracker agreed with Soundwave and ran back to his house. He found the wand quickly (it was soaking in the sink), then he picked up his step-brother's helm and let three drops of Energon fall: one near the bed, one in the kitchen, and one on the steps. "It's a good thing I know a few things about magic," said Thundercracker, "Too bad Dad thought magic was a waste of time…" He ran back to Soundwave and they began their journey to leave the village.

In the morning, Starscream woke up and then called for Skywarp so he could give him the apron, but the black and violet Seeker never came. He called out again, "Skywarp, where are you?"

"I'm at the steps, Momma, sweeping," answered a drop of Energon.

Starscream went to the steps, but didn't see Skywarp there. "Skywarp," he called out, "where are you?"

"In the kitchen, Momma, warming myself by the fire," answered the second drop.

The witch went to the kitchen, but Skywarp wasn't there. Annoyed, the Seeker called out again, "Skywarp, where the frag are you?"

"Here, Momma," answered the last drop, "in the berth fast asleep!"

Starscream let out an air intake and replied as he went to the room, "Skywarp, you can't be asleep if you answer me." When he removed the covers, the witch screamed. There in the bed was Skywarp with his helm cut off.

Enraged, Starscream rushed to the window and saw Thundercracker fleeing the village with his sweetheart, Soundwave.

"Run as far and as fast as you can, you little emo glitch," hissed Starscream, "it makes no difference to me, I'll catch up and kill you and your precious Soundwave."

The tri-colored Seeker grabbed his boots and put them on, for they were no ordinary boots; these boots allowed the witch to travel an hour's worth of distance with every stride.

Thundercracker, seeing Starscream coming, used the wand to turn Soundwave into a lake and himself a duck.

When he arrived at the lake, Starscream knew that the duck was Thundercracker. "Thundercracker, get your feathered aft over here right now!" he yelled.

_Oh yes, your yelling is going to make me swim to you,_ Thundercracker thought sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

"I know it's you! Ducks aren't blue!" Starscream pointed out.

_Slaggit! Stupid wand…_

After an hour, Starscream realized that yelling wasn't going to make Thundercracker come to him, so he decided to bribe the Seeker-turned-duck. He went to the bank and began throwing in crumbs of (poisoned) bread. But Thundercracker would not be tempted and when it was nightfall, the duck was still far away from the witch. Starscream was frustrated and was prepared to make the lake boil like a pot of water when he remembered something: "Oh Primus, Skywarp's corpse is still on the berth!" he said while face palming. The witch shook his fist at the blue duck and yelled as he left, "Don't think this will be the last you'll see me, Thundercracker! I will kill you!"

Once Starscream was out of sight, Thundercracker turned Soundwave and himself back to normal.

"He will come back," Soundwave said as he brushed off bread crumbs.

"I know, that's why we have to keep going."

So the lovers traveled throughout the night and when it was morning, they agreed that it would be for the best that they disguise themselves before the witch came.

"You be the inanimate object this time," said Soundwave.

"Fine." Thundercracker turned himself into a beautiful flower in the middle of a thorn hedge and Soundwave into a fiddle-player.

"Query: A fiddle player?"

The flower seemed to shrug.

A few hours later, after burying Skywarp in the cemetery, Starscream put on his magic boots and quickly caught up with the waiting duo. Noticing the pretty flower (and who can resist a beautiful flower?), the witch asked, "Fiddle player, will you please pluck that flower for me? Hmm… Have I seen you before?"

"Affirmative," said the disguised Soundwave, ignoring the last question, "I will play a song to make it come down so you may get it, Madam."

Starscream smirked, this was working perfectly for him for he knew who the flower really was. But when Soundwave began to play, the flower didn't come down, instead, Starscream was forced to dance. "Fragging magic fiddle!" the Seeker cursed as he did the Pappara dance.

Soon Soundwave was using the fiddle to make Starscream jump into the hedge. The faster he played, the higher the witch jumped. The thorns tore at his armor and fuel lines, causing to him to bleed. Starscream cursed and threatened Soundwave and when that didn't work, he begged for mercy. Soundwave did not stop playing until Starscream lay dead on the ground.

"He's dead, Thundercracker," he said.

The flower then turned himself and Soundwave back to normal once more.

"Now we can get married," Soundwave said to Thundercracker.

The Seeker's optics widened. "M-married? How can you say that if you never proposed?"

"My mistake. Thundercracker, will you marry me?" the visor-wearing mech asked.

Thundercracker shrugged. "Sure."

"I will go back to the village and prepare for the wedding," said Soundwave.

"I'll stay here and wait for you," said Thundercracker.

"Query: why don't you wait for me at your house?"

"I don't want to recharge in the berth where my step-brother died!" said Thundercracker.

"Query: How about Starscream's room?" Soundwave asked.

Thundercracker shook his helm. "I've been in that room. It's creepy and full of magical clones."

Soundwave nodded. That did sound creepy. Maybe they should burn the house down later… "Stay here then. I will come back for you soon."

"And so no one but you will find me, I'll turn myself into a red milestone," said Thundercracker.

Soundwave returned to the village and Thundercracker turned himself into a rock. Unfortunately, Soundwave became sidetracked while he was in the village…

"Soundwave, where have you been?" his father, Shockwave, asked when Soundwave returned home.

"Father, I was-"

"Never mind," Shockwave interrupted, "there's a mech I want you to meet. Come here, Mirage!"

Then a blue and white mech with gold optics with an aristocratic air about him walked in. "Hello, my name is Mirage. You must be Soundwave, I've heard so much about you."

Soundwave was in awe and promptly forgot about his sweetheart, who was waiting patiently for him as a rock in a field.

After who knows how long, Thundercracker finally believed that Soundwave was not coming back for him. He became depressed and thought, _My sweetheart ditched me and I'm homeless. This sucks slag! Maybe I should just turn myself into a flower and let someone step on me... Primus, Starscream was right! I am emo!_

Undeterred by the fact that Starscream was right about him, Thundercracker turned himself into a flower and waited for someone to end his existence.

Soon enough, a shepherd by the name of Trailbreaker came along with his flock of Cassette sheep. One of the sheep, Rumble, spotted the flower and walked over to eat it.

_So this is how it ends: death by fat sheep. Oh well, maybe it'll be too quick to be painful…_

"Rumble!" Trailbreaker called out, "Don't eat that flower! It could be bad for you and I don't want Dr. Ratchet or Dr. Hook to getmad at me if you get sick."

"Baa," responded Rumble as he moved away from the flower.

Trailbreaker went over to the flower and was amazed by how beautiful it was. He took the flower, went home, and placed it in his chest.

_I don't want to die in here! I want to be eaten by the fat sheep!_

Thundercracker's claustrophobia aside, life actually turned out well for him and Trailbreaker: Thundercracker had a home and Trailbreaker had unknowingly gained a maid.

It all started the next day when the shepherd onlined and found his little house clean and organized. He searched the house for intruders or any sign of a break-in, but found nothing.

By the end of the day, the house was as messy as it was the day before, but the next morning, Trailbreaker found the house tidy once more. He just shrugged it off and went on with his life. Soon enough though, the shepherd began to feel a little uncomfortable about his invisible maid and began to feel as paranoid as Red Alert. So he decided to go talk to the wise mech who lived just outside the village.

He and Rumble, who he couldn't trust to be left alone with his brother, reached the wise mech's house after a short walk and knocked on the door.

"It's open!" a voice called out.

The shepherd and the sheep looked at each other before stepping inside. There stood the youngest looking wise mech they had ever seen.

"Um… Aren't you a little young to be a wise mech?" Trailbreaker asked.

"Baa," agreed Rumble.

"Hey, I may be young, but I know a lot of things," said the wise mech, "Name's Jazz."

"I'm Trailbreaker and this is Rumble. Say hello, Rumble."

"Baa."

"So, what's the problem?" Jazz asked.

"Well, you see, there is something weird going on at my house," explained Trailbreaker, "I'm not a very clean person, but every time I online, my house is clean."

"I don't see a problem with that," Jazz said.

"But it's creepy. I don't even know who's doing it. It could be a monster just waiting for me to lower my guard for all I know."

"Alright, alright. I'll help you," said Jazz, "This is what you have to do: wake up earlier than usual tomorrow and if you hear something moving, throw a while cloth over it, whatever it is, and - Hey! Rumble, get away my magazines!"

"Baa," said Rumble as he stopped chewing on the wise mech's magazines.

"I'm so sorry about him. He's got a big appetite," apologized Trailbreaker.

"I can tell," Jazz said dryly.

"So you were saying?"

"Once the cloth is over it, you'll see who your mystery maid is."

"Thank you so much, Jazz. I'm in your debt."

"You're paying for those magazines."

So the next morning, Trailbreaker woke up earlier than usual and waited. He didn't have to wait long; his chest opened and the flower jumped out. Trailbreaker got out of his berth and threw the white cloth over it. He broke the spell and now there was a blue Seeker standing before him.

Thundercracker pulled the cloth off his face and asked, "Why did you throw a cloth on me?"

"Um… I'm sorry, but I had to know who was cleaning my house. It was you, right?" Trailbreaker asked.

Thundercracker nodded and proceeded to tell his story to Trailbreaker.

The shepherd felt sorry for the Seeker and wanted to help him get out of his depression, so he asked, "Will you be my wife? I promise not to leave you like Soundwave did."

Thundercracker shook his helm. As angry and as hurt he was by Soundwave's abandonment, the Seeker knew he couldn't marry another. "No, but if you want, I can stay with you and take care of your house for you."

Trailbreaker shrugged; it was a good deal.

Not much time passed and it was the day of Soundwave's wedding. As tradition dictates, all the single mechs and femmes in the area must be present to sing a song to honor the bride and groom. Thundercracker knew about the tradition and his depression got worse. He absolutely refused to go to the wedding; he feared that his spark would extinguish if he had to watch the ceremony.

"Thundercracker, get up," said Trailbreaker, "we have to go to the wedding."

"No. I'm not going," came Thundercracker's muffled voice from under the covers of his berth.

"Please don't act emo," Trailbreaker pleaded, "I know Soundwave hurt you, but tradition is tradition."

Thundercracker didn't say anything.

The shepherd let out an air intake and said, "You leave me no choice. Rumble! Get in here and sit on Thundercracker!"

Within a minute, the Seeker was half-way to the church.

Later, as it came closer and closer to his turn, the more intense pain the forgotten betrothed felt in his spark. Finally, it was Thundercracker's turn to sing and as he did, Soundwave got up and shouted, "I'd know that voice anywhere!" He ran to Thundercracker and said, "This is my bride, I will marry no other."

Thundercracker smiled for the first time in so long and then he punched Soundwave. "That is for leaving me in the field."

"I deserved that," Soundwave said, "Query: Will you forgive me and marry me?"

Thundercracker nodded, he did still love Soundwave after all.

Soundwave then walked over to Mirage and asked, "Query: Are you going to be okay?"

"Eh, I'll be fine," said Mirage as he looked over the gardener, "I only bewitched you because my father wanted Shockwave to cancel his library debts."

"Query: You bewitched me?"

"Forget I said anything," Mirage said. The golden-opticked mech then left to go "speak" with the gardener, whose name happened to be Hound and was Mirage's secret lover. By the end of the day, they were married.

Thundercracker and Soundwave were finally married and, as a wedding present, Trailbreaker gave them his prized sheep, Rumble and Frenzy. They did burn down Thundercracker's old house, but not before setting the magical clones free, Thundercracker and Soundwave weren't that cruel, and built a new house over the ashes.

So they all lived happily ever after.

* * *

A/N: A quick thanks to Ultimos-11 for helping me choose the cast.

I hoped you liked it, Carlough.


End file.
